Affirmations Won't Fix Your Confidence Problem… (Here's What Will)
"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"
— Stuart Smalley
Affirmations are a HUGE market. There are YouTube and TikTok channels, Pinterest boards, Instagram accounts, and email subscriptions dedicated to daily affirmations.
They share the same types of quotes Stuart Smalley, a fictional character played by comedian Al Franken on Saturday Night Live, would pronounce while solemnly staring into a mirror.
(Those are all Stuart Smalley quotes).
There are even companies that SELL positive affirmation tools, movies and vision boards, not to mention pillows, posters, and other home decorations with motivational phrases.
And while motivational phrases are great, and there's nothing wrong with looking in the mirror and saying nice things about yourself—
They won't do a damn thing about your underlying lack of confidence.
How Affirmations Work
The idea behind affirmations is that, the more you repeat something to yourself, the more you'll believe it. So if you continuously repeat positive statements - especially those that "negate" the bad feelings you have about yourself - you can overcome self-sabotage and make positive changes in your life.
Practice them enough, and the next time a negative thought or feeling pops up, your mind automatically shifts to the positive thought—
The Problem with Affirmations
In theory, affirmations are a great idea. And they can help you get through a rough patch.
Unfortunately, they're also a lot like slapping a bandaid on a deep wound without first addressing the underlying issue. Because of this, they can create a situation of toxic positivity where, underneath the upbeat messages, you still feel like total shit.
While you say, "I can do this," your subconscious mind fights back with, "I'm not good enough...I'm not smart enough...and doggone it, people hate me!"
And every time those yucky thoughts come up, you're using willpower to fight them and overcome them with affirmations.
It's a battle in your mind, and it's exhausting.
Instead...
Don't Just "Feel" Confident - BE Confident
Imagine waking up feeling good enough, just as you are. Smart enough. Important.
Imagine setting out to do something big, and instead of experiencing fear and anxiety, feeling excitement and joy.
Imagine waking up happy.
Is this possible?
Yes - and I'll show you how. But first, I need to explain WHY your subconscious causes that insecurity and self-doubt.
Why You Feel Insecure
When you were born, you were like a ball of consciousness. You didn't know anything about the world.
You interacted with the people around you and learned how to survive.
If you felt uncomfortable, you would cry, and someone would change your diaper, feed you, or hold you. Like this, you learned to express your needs.
And if you were ignored? You learned to stop crying. You learned that your needs weren't important.
As you grew, you watched your parents and other caretakers for clues to help you survive in the world. They would react in different ways to what you said and did, and you would use those reactions to formulate your "rules of survival."
Sometimes, they expected you to do things you couldn't do. They wanted you to be quiet, not to make a mess, and to stay clean when eating spaghetti.
They'd get mad when you couldn't do those things. And since most kids can't be quiet and clean all the time...you came to a conclusion:
"If I'm supposed to be organized, quiet and clean, and I'm not able to...there must be something wrong with me."
Sometimes, your caretakers expected you to do certain things. When you couldn't do them, they would get angry. So you concluded, "I must not be good enough."
And when you'd make a mistake, and they'd yell, you concluded, "Mistakes and failure are bad!"
These conclusions became your beliefs. You learned how to navigate the world by following them. You learned things like, "don't get around mom when she's angry," and "if I don't do what I'm told, I'll be yelled at."
If you were in a particularly abusive environment, you might have learned that "the way to be safe is to stay hidden," or "the way to be safe is not to talk."
And those beliefs were important. They helped you survive your childhood. But now, as an adult, those rules don't make sense anymore. They limit you.
You can't go up on stage and speak confidently to a group of people if your subconscious tells you that speaking makes you unsafe. And you can't promote yourself the way you want if your subconscious warns you to stay out of sight!
Those old rules no longer apply. All they do now is get in your way. They cause you to worry what people will think. They cause you to procrastinate, or to hold back when you should be going full-force.
These limiting self-beliefs are the reason you lack confidence.
Affirmations can't change your underlying rules. They can only mask them for a short time...
...which is why the fastest and most effective way to build confidence is not by doing or repeating something, but instead, by clearing out the old programming.
How to Eliminate Self-Limiting Beliefs
You clear out the old programming by eliminating your limiting beliefs. The process is relatively simple.
Start by looking at the earliest events that led you to that conclusion. When it comes to confidence, you're most likely looking for events that happened when you were under the age of 7.
At that age, everything was about YOU. And if someone like mom or dad got angry, you wouldn't think, "they must have had a bad day." You'd assume it was your fault.
Once you have a set of events, look back at them with your adult eyes. Look for other possible reasons for what happened. Notice that, while any child would have probably reached the same conclusion you did at the time, another adult could have given you a different way of looking at things.
And if you had another way of looking at things, you probably wouldn't have concluded what you did about yourself at the time. Instead of concluding, "I'm not good enough," you might have thought, "mom has unrealistic expectations for a kid my age," for example.
Bring yourself back to that moment again, and notice that you can't "see" the belief in the events. All you can see is the behavior and words of the people around you.
It was your mind that created the thought.
And if the belief wasn't in the events...
The only place it has ever lived is inside your mind.
Regain Your Natural Confidence
At birth, you were filled with potential. That potential is now hiding under dozens of limiting beliefs that create anxiety and insecurity.
If you'd like help uncovering and eliminating the limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck, reach out to me here.
And if you'd like to learn a technique to dissolve negative emotions on the spot and overcome the anxiety that's keeping you from taking action, without having to look in the mirror and repeat an endless list of affirmations...
...then check out my free resource, "HOW TO DISSOLVE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN SECONDS."
